Crazy boys in school…Part 2
By R.Rajesh
Teacher: Now what's the plural of baby?
Natty: Twins!
Rajesh: Oooh...Baby baby...?
Vince: Main chaaku se nasbandi kiya tho no plural vlural.
Jiten: If the pole goes into the (w)hole twice, does it make twins?
...
Teacher: Are you good at math?
Rajesh: I'm very good at Math...it’s just the arithmetic that baffles me.
Natty: Having covered so much cricket, I'm very good at math-fixing
Vince: Of course. 'Do aur do paanch' maine dus baar dekha hai!
Jiten: How many Poles does it take to screw one blonde? Five! Four to hold her down and the 5th to fetch the carpenter. Aint I good at math?
...
Teacher: Name four members of the cat family.
Natty: Pop Cat, Mom Cat, and two Kittens
Rajesh: MAK (Tiger) Pataudi, Sourav Ganguly (Bengal Tiger), Prabhakaran (Tamil Tiger) and Shobha De ( you can’t get cattier than her!)
Jiten: Any four women...sniff!
Vince: Main cats ka bhi nasbandi kar doonga..no family shamily (sinister glare).
...
Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Vince: Life imprisonment! (Shudders and throws away his bloody chaaku)
Rajesh: I agree with Vince...it has to be marriage!
Natty: "I Do!" is the longest sentence (Checks to make sure his wife can’t hear him)
Jiten: A pole in a hole is not just the parts but the whole of the universe which resounds to the beat of the dhol for people who Bindaas Bol with a pole that is…
...
Teacher: Why did Sunita take a ruler to bed?
Natty: Because she wanted to see how long she slept!
Rajesh: Because he was the ruler and she was merely a subject
Vince: Coz she could tell her friends the next morning that she slept with someone who was a foot long.
Jiten: She should have taken a pole. At least her dreams would have been interesting.
...
Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Rajesh: Peter Pan
Natty: Do I have to?
Jiten: Pass...
Vince (waving his chaaku): Whadaya mean? You calling me short or what?
...
Teacher: If you were the President of India...
Vince (puffing away on his cigar with a Martini in one hand and a Martina in the other): I'd set a 'Vice' Precedent.
Natty: I'd immediately hold a Press Conference and invite only myself from the Media (long held fantasy...lol)
Jiten: I'd be in 'Pole' position.
Rajesh: I'd immediately abolish Prime Ministership, announce a state of emergency, and make Siddhu paaji my official spokesman.
...
Teacher: I have eight green apples and want to divide it among the four of you. Now each of you stand up and tell me how many apples you will each have.
Natty: Boohoo...I don’t want apples...I prefer a red cherry in my hand.
Vince: All eight, because of my gentle, persuasive skills (brandishes his colt peacemaker and Rambo knife).
Jiten: No Apple shapple. I prefer IBM.
Rajesh: Three. That's two green apples and one Adam's apple.
...
Teacher: Is divorce good or bad?
Rajesh: GOOD. Because it helps the ozone layer by ensuring marriages are made of recyclable material.
Natty: BAD. Because the only thing more expensive than matrimony is alimony.
Vince: GOOD. Because it allows you to have a ball in life. Though, after alimony, that's all will be left :)
Jiten: BAD. Because you should never be poles apart.
...
Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
Natty: Big hands!
Rajesh (hopefully): Citric Poisoning?
Vince: A job with Tropicana?
Jiten: A sponsorship from Hutch (Otherwise known as Orange)
...
Teacher: Why are there seven days in a week?
Jiten: To recover from the seven nights (Wink, wink).
Vince: I wish there were more...I have so much to do...just signed on a billion dollar BPO deal and I don’t have the time to sign my name on the cheque :-(
Natty: Who said there are seven? There are only 5 days and 48 hours in a week.
Rajesh: ...because seven days without blogging makes one weak :-)
...
Teacher: Why is Jiten absent from class?
Natty: He's undergoing a tonsil inspection (With the gal next door..wink wink)
Vince: He's very forgetful maam...He even forgot he was Ranajit the other day..or was it Angshuman, or...uh...sorry, am so busy these days, I've outsourced my memory
Rajesh (Punju accent): ...Yeah..noticed he had a very bad 'mammary'....
Jiten (on being told about the discussion by Natty): What's Her problem if I'm missing my periods?
...
Teacher: if at all u were marooned in an island and could choose one person to keep you company, who would it be?
Jiten: Sergei Bubka. He could train me to become the best 'pole' vaulter in the world.
Vincent: Mahesh Yogi. We could levitate and leave the island.
Natty: Mallika Sherawat. I'd write the Kamasutra Part II. And give my first autographed copy to Jiten.
Rajesh: Moses. He'll part the sea. And then we just have to walk away.
...
Teacher: Don't you boys want to get married when you grow up?
Vince: No...Suicide is against the law.
Rajesh: Nah...Why buy a book when you can use the library?
Natty (hopefully): ...well, I heard there were also libraries on sale (harem, anyone?)
Jiten (pompous tone): I think marriage is a wonderful institution......but (shudder) I don’t think I'm ready to be institutionalised yet!!!
...
Teacher: OK children, tell me where is Mars?
Jiten: Take the cab to Andheri (West). Then hop onto a rick to Bandra. Get off. Take a cab to Ghatkopar...when u reach a famous vada pav stall, ask for directions to my house...and I'll take u from there.
Vince: Go to the nearest Crosswords, and ask for 'Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy'.
Natty: Ahh..madam...its right after Uranus.
Rajesh: On a clear night u can spot it from Mt Venus.
Teacher: If you were to start an animal farm, which animal would u choose to breed?
Lil Jiten: The donkey, Coz I heard Ms. Saxena Maam say to the Principal, "Every man in Bombay is after my Ass, and I don’t sell it cheap". That's how I plan to make my fortune. (Teacher goes ooohhh...)
Lil Natty: Lil cats...coz I heard her say the same thing, but after Jiten went running for his VC, I heard our Principal say, "An ass is fine but any day I prefer p...." (By now the teacher was choking)
Lil Vince: I'll set up a rooster farm, coz when I sneaked up after Natty ran away and heard Saxena maam say in a strange voice," Omigosh sir, but that’s the kinda .... every woman dreams of". So I Think I'll be the richest (by now the teacher is tottering, glassy eyed)
Lil Rajesh: Camels maaam! Coz I was also there...and after some time I heard our Princie say," ahhh...forget everything else..at the end of the day, all a man wants is a good 'hump'." And I heard Saxena maam say, "Amen"
(Just then the class hears a loud thud, and look up to see the teacher has fainted at the desk)
...
Teacher: Why is Bra singular and panties plural?
Jiten: er...uh...ahh....does it matter... yeh sab andar ki baat hai yaaar.
Vince: Bcoz a Bra is the one thing that uplifts womanhood, while er...panties, or the lack of them help you multiply and become plural...uhh...I think:-(
Natty: Bra, bcoz they say 'cup' size, not 'cups' size. Panties, bcoz they make u do a double take.
Rajesh: By the way...its called a panty....just because you see double after ur old monk, doesn’t make them panties...so I wont answer this.
...
Teacher: How many states are there in India?
Jiten: Thirty nine. Including Azad Kashmir, and the 12 states of Poland (Pole-land)
Rajesh: Three madam. Solid, Liquid and Gas.
Natty: I agree...the solid states are the states with good infrastructure and industrial development like TN/Karnataka/Kerala/Maharashtra/Gujarat. The 'liquid' states are the states which have greater liquidity among a chosen few, but little real development. This list includes: Delhi/Haryana/Punjab/Bengal/AP/Rajastjan/MP/North East/Goa. The 'Gas' states are everything else with Bihar and UP as permanent members.
Vince: We are all in a 'State' of suspense about what will happen in the BCCI review committee meeting to discuss the 'state' of Indian cricket :-(
...
Grammar Teacher: give me some examples of singular/plural.
Vince: 'Twins' is the plural of 'son'!
Natty: Son? How can u be so sexist Vince? Here, lemme do my bit for womankind. Singular: Woman. Plural: pregnant woman.
Jiten: hmmm... ok. Singular is 'Pole'. Plural of 'pole' is 'freak'. How? coz...just imagine a guy with many poles.....wont he be a freak....ahhh.. ouch...stop throwing egg(s) at me
Rajesh: The plural of 'spouse' is 'spice'...uh huh....haven't u guys heard the plural of 'mouse'?? ohhh...ouch....stop throwing the hen at me (is hen plural of eggs??) Ouchhhhh!!
...
Teacher: What is the National bird of India?
Jiten: Mallika Sherawat
Vince: Mosquito. Even my chaku is powerless against the Bangalore mosquitoes.
Natty: Dove. And this has been sponsored by Hindustan Lever.
Rajesh: Tandoori Chicken?
...
Teacher: What do you feel about junk food?
Jiten: I agree. Junk food. Drink Beer.
Rajesh: Oh I feel it is good. This must be food which comes from the junkyard. And everyone knows recycling is the new mantra and is eco friendly too. So it must be good.
Vince: Junk food? Is that what a 'junkie' eats? No maam...I yam not into drugs, I say...
Natty: If you consider the pros and cons of the consumption of junk foods and what constitutes junk food and what doesn’t you come to the conclusion that you need to analyse this a little more, which is why you need to look at it holistically, both from a bird's eye view and a worm's eye view and see if organic eating habits can be inculcated (words drowned out by sound of snores)
...
Teacher: Describe an elephant
Vince: A very dangerous, animal rowdy with two chaakus on either side of mouth.
Natty: An animal that can make a trunk call without using a phone.
Jiten: Four Thick poles to stand on. Two sharp poles near mouth. One long, flexi-pole that usually dangles, but can stand up too (Am talking about the trunk u perverts).
Rajesh: Mobile carry case for elephant dung :-(
...
Teacher: What's the difference between rape and seduction?
Vince: Seduction is 'organ'ic while rape is mostly outsourced.
Jiten: The difference is salesmanship
NATTY: Seduction is like the gentle caress of a Gower cover drive, where he strokes it so beautifully, even the bowler goes weak in the knees. Rape is what Garry Sobers did to Malcolm Nash, and Ravi Shastri to Tilak Raj and Javed Miandad to Chetan Sharma....
Rajesh: Rape is 'nonconsensual while seduction is 'con'sensual (Wink, wink) :-))
...
English Teacher: complete the proverb.
"Where there's a will...
Vince: There's a willy (snigger)
Natty: There's an 'only if..' For eg., I will...only if...(that's why its called the conditional phrase)
Jiten: ..there will always be a 'won't' :-((
Rajesh...there'll be a crooked lawyer and three ex-siblings
...
Teacher: What’s the difference between an accident and a disaster?
Jiten: Just a matter of scale. First my parents said I was an accident. But now they claim I've grown up to be a full scale disaster.
Natty: If Jiten slips and falls into the drain, it'd be an accident. If someone were to rescue him it'd be a disaster.
Vince: Love is an accident. Marriage is a disaster.
Rajesh: When u bump into someone unintentionally, it’s an accident. When you bump into someone unintentionally, and the accident comes to light nine months later, it’s a disaster.
...
Teacher: Who invented the steam engine?
Vince: Watt?
Jiten: Not what dumbo...it’s who?
Natty: Uffo...its Wattt. James Watt.
Rajesh: Must be James something...even I dunno what...
Teacher: aaarrgh...I cant believe this class.
Vince (earnestly): No maam...believe us..it was Watt..it was Watt
Jiten: sheesh...wrong grammer..should be 'what was it?' Not 'it was what'
Natty: aiyaiyoo....you morons. He's saying it was James Watt. James is his first name. Watt is his surname.
Rajesh: If u dunno what’s his surname say so...don’t shout...and I already told you I dont know either.
(Teacher faints)
VINCE: Oh no...maam has passed out. someone go get smelling salts.
Jiten: But if she's fainted, how can she smell?
Natty: shaddddup...Rajesh, do u know where to get smelling salts?
Rajesh: I think so. (Runs off and returns with a mouldy package). See here. My mom bought some salt in 1998 and forgot all about it. After all these years it should be really smelling..(opens the pack)
(Vince, Jiten and Natty also faint, and Rajesh is left with a bemused expression on his face)
...
Coach: Complete the following - 'All work and no play.....'
Vince: Will get you a job in my BPO.
Natty: Will make me lose my job
Rajesh: makes Jack the CEO
Jiten: Is like all pole, no hole. No relief at all :-)
...
Teacher: Create a sentence with the word 'imagination'
Vince: Imagi'nation' is a country that exists in your mind.
Natty: Imagination is a word, not a sentence.
Jiten: Not in your wildest imagination will you get a pole this big.
Rajesh: Use your imagination to complete my sentence.
...
Teacher: What is life?
Vince: Life is what happens when your busy setting up BPOs.
Rajesh: Life is a female dog
Natty: Life...is a vacuum cleaner. It sucks.
Jiten: Life is what happens when someone forgets the condom.
...
Teacher: What is a 'beauty parlour'?
Natty: Where ugly women with dull skin go to return as ugly women with glowing skin
Jiten: A whorehouse? (Hey...like an ice cream parlour stocks ice cream.....hey hey..stop throwing chappals at me..)
Rajesh: Where women go to curl and dye.
Vince: ...where your face is their fortune!
...
Teacher: You four break up into two teams and complete the following proverbs, one after the other:
1. ' One swallow....
Vince: ...isn't enough to get drunk
Rajesh: ...doesn't make a Monica
2. ' He who finds a friend...
Natty:...must have looked very hard indeed'
Jiten:...must have looked for an 'f' word in the dictionary'
3.' A fool and his money....
Vince: ...attract women like bees to honey'
Rajesh:...are always welcome to invest in my new scheme'
4. 'A rolling stone...
Natty:...makes one fifth a music quintet'
Jiten:...doesn’t get a parking ticket'
5. 'A stitch in time...
VIince:...means you lose out on overtime wages'
Rajesh...is bad news for tailors'
6. 'After the storm, comes...
Natty:...malaria'
Jiten:...the wet saree dance :-)'
7. 'An Apple a day...
Vince: ...keeps the Himachal Pradesh economy afloat'
Rajesh:...keeps IBM away
8. 'Discretion is the better part...
Natty:...of excretion' (holding his nose as he passes a particular stretch on Dharavi)
Jiten:...of the rear seat in a drive in theatre'
9. 'Necessity is the mother...
Vince:........of outsourcing'
Rajesh:...of all of us'
10. 'Old soldiers never die...
Natty:...they simply write memoirs and get rich'
Jiten:...they 'dye' and become young soldiers again'
Teacher: Now what's the plural of baby?
Natty: Twins!
Rajesh: Oooh...Baby baby...?
Vince: Main chaaku se nasbandi kiya tho no plural vlural.
Jiten: If the pole goes into the (w)hole twice, does it make twins?
...
Teacher: Are you good at math?
Rajesh: I'm very good at Math...it’s just the arithmetic that baffles me.
Natty: Having covered so much cricket, I'm very good at math-fixing
Vince: Of course. 'Do aur do paanch' maine dus baar dekha hai!
Jiten: How many Poles does it take to screw one blonde? Five! Four to hold her down and the 5th to fetch the carpenter. Aint I good at math?
...
Teacher: Name four members of the cat family.
Natty: Pop Cat, Mom Cat, and two Kittens
Rajesh: MAK (Tiger) Pataudi, Sourav Ganguly (Bengal Tiger), Prabhakaran (Tamil Tiger) and Shobha De ( you can’t get cattier than her!)
Jiten: Any four women...sniff!
Vince: Main cats ka bhi nasbandi kar doonga..no family shamily (sinister glare).
...
Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Vince: Life imprisonment! (Shudders and throws away his bloody chaaku)
Rajesh: I agree with Vince...it has to be marriage!
Natty: "I Do!" is the longest sentence (Checks to make sure his wife can’t hear him)
Jiten: A pole in a hole is not just the parts but the whole of the universe which resounds to the beat of the dhol for people who Bindaas Bol with a pole that is…
...
Teacher: Why did Sunita take a ruler to bed?
Natty: Because she wanted to see how long she slept!
Rajesh: Because he was the ruler and she was merely a subject
Vince: Coz she could tell her friends the next morning that she slept with someone who was a foot long.
Jiten: She should have taken a pole. At least her dreams would have been interesting.
...
Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Rajesh: Peter Pan
Natty: Do I have to?
Jiten: Pass...
Vince (waving his chaaku): Whadaya mean? You calling me short or what?
...
Teacher: If you were the President of India...
Vince (puffing away on his cigar with a Martini in one hand and a Martina in the other): I'd set a 'Vice' Precedent.
Natty: I'd immediately hold a Press Conference and invite only myself from the Media (long held fantasy...lol)
Jiten: I'd be in 'Pole' position.
Rajesh: I'd immediately abolish Prime Ministership, announce a state of emergency, and make Siddhu paaji my official spokesman.
...
Teacher: I have eight green apples and want to divide it among the four of you. Now each of you stand up and tell me how many apples you will each have.
Natty: Boohoo...I don’t want apples...I prefer a red cherry in my hand.
Vince: All eight, because of my gentle, persuasive skills (brandishes his colt peacemaker and Rambo knife).
Jiten: No Apple shapple. I prefer IBM.
Rajesh: Three. That's two green apples and one Adam's apple.
...
Teacher: Is divorce good or bad?
Rajesh: GOOD. Because it helps the ozone layer by ensuring marriages are made of recyclable material.
Natty: BAD. Because the only thing more expensive than matrimony is alimony.
Vince: GOOD. Because it allows you to have a ball in life. Though, after alimony, that's all will be left :)
Jiten: BAD. Because you should never be poles apart.
...
Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
Natty: Big hands!
Rajesh (hopefully): Citric Poisoning?
Vince: A job with Tropicana?
Jiten: A sponsorship from Hutch (Otherwise known as Orange)
...
Teacher: Why are there seven days in a week?
Jiten: To recover from the seven nights (Wink, wink).
Vince: I wish there were more...I have so much to do...just signed on a billion dollar BPO deal and I don’t have the time to sign my name on the cheque :-(
Natty: Who said there are seven? There are only 5 days and 48 hours in a week.
Rajesh: ...because seven days without blogging makes one weak :-)
...
Teacher: Why is Jiten absent from class?
Natty: He's undergoing a tonsil inspection (With the gal next door..wink wink)
Vince: He's very forgetful maam...He even forgot he was Ranajit the other day..or was it Angshuman, or...uh...sorry, am so busy these days, I've outsourced my memory
Rajesh (Punju accent): ...Yeah..noticed he had a very bad 'mammary'....
Jiten (on being told about the discussion by Natty): What's Her problem if I'm missing my periods?
...
Teacher: if at all u were marooned in an island and could choose one person to keep you company, who would it be?
Jiten: Sergei Bubka. He could train me to become the best 'pole' vaulter in the world.
Vincent: Mahesh Yogi. We could levitate and leave the island.
Natty: Mallika Sherawat. I'd write the Kamasutra Part II. And give my first autographed copy to Jiten.
Rajesh: Moses. He'll part the sea. And then we just have to walk away.
...
Teacher: Don't you boys want to get married when you grow up?
Vince: No...Suicide is against the law.
Rajesh: Nah...Why buy a book when you can use the library?
Natty (hopefully): ...well, I heard there were also libraries on sale (harem, anyone?)
Jiten (pompous tone): I think marriage is a wonderful institution......but (shudder) I don’t think I'm ready to be institutionalised yet!!!
...
Teacher: OK children, tell me where is Mars?
Jiten: Take the cab to Andheri (West). Then hop onto a rick to Bandra. Get off. Take a cab to Ghatkopar...when u reach a famous vada pav stall, ask for directions to my house...and I'll take u from there.
Vince: Go to the nearest Crosswords, and ask for 'Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy'.
Natty: Ahh..madam...its right after Uranus.
Rajesh: On a clear night u can spot it from Mt Venus.
Teacher: If you were to start an animal farm, which animal would u choose to breed?
Lil Jiten: The donkey, Coz I heard Ms. Saxena Maam say to the Principal, "Every man in Bombay is after my Ass, and I don’t sell it cheap". That's how I plan to make my fortune. (Teacher goes ooohhh...)
Lil Natty: Lil cats...coz I heard her say the same thing, but after Jiten went running for his VC, I heard our Principal say, "An ass is fine but any day I prefer p...." (By now the teacher was choking)
Lil Vince: I'll set up a rooster farm, coz when I sneaked up after Natty ran away and heard Saxena maam say in a strange voice," Omigosh sir, but that’s the kinda .... every woman dreams of". So I Think I'll be the richest (by now the teacher is tottering, glassy eyed)
Lil Rajesh: Camels maaam! Coz I was also there...and after some time I heard our Princie say," ahhh...forget everything else..at the end of the day, all a man wants is a good 'hump'." And I heard Saxena maam say, "Amen"
(Just then the class hears a loud thud, and look up to see the teacher has fainted at the desk)
...
Teacher: Why is Bra singular and panties plural?
Jiten: er...uh...ahh....does it matter... yeh sab andar ki baat hai yaaar.
Vince: Bcoz a Bra is the one thing that uplifts womanhood, while er...panties, or the lack of them help you multiply and become plural...uhh...I think:-(
Natty: Bra, bcoz they say 'cup' size, not 'cups' size. Panties, bcoz they make u do a double take.
Rajesh: By the way...its called a panty....just because you see double after ur old monk, doesn’t make them panties...so I wont answer this.
...
Teacher: How many states are there in India?
Jiten: Thirty nine. Including Azad Kashmir, and the 12 states of Poland (Pole-land)
Rajesh: Three madam. Solid, Liquid and Gas.
Natty: I agree...the solid states are the states with good infrastructure and industrial development like TN/Karnataka/Kerala/Maharashtra/Gujarat. The 'liquid' states are the states which have greater liquidity among a chosen few, but little real development. This list includes: Delhi/Haryana/Punjab/Bengal/AP/Rajastjan/MP/North East/Goa. The 'Gas' states are everything else with Bihar and UP as permanent members.
Vince: We are all in a 'State' of suspense about what will happen in the BCCI review committee meeting to discuss the 'state' of Indian cricket :-(
...
Grammar Teacher: give me some examples of singular/plural.
Vince: 'Twins' is the plural of 'son'!
Natty: Son? How can u be so sexist Vince? Here, lemme do my bit for womankind. Singular: Woman. Plural: pregnant woman.
Jiten: hmmm... ok. Singular is 'Pole'. Plural of 'pole' is 'freak'. How? coz...just imagine a guy with many poles.....wont he be a freak....ahhh.. ouch...stop throwing egg(s) at me
Rajesh: The plural of 'spouse' is 'spice'...uh huh....haven't u guys heard the plural of 'mouse'?? ohhh...ouch....stop throwing the hen at me (is hen plural of eggs??) Ouchhhhh!!
...
Teacher: What is the National bird of India?
Jiten: Mallika Sherawat
Vince: Mosquito. Even my chaku is powerless against the Bangalore mosquitoes.
Natty: Dove. And this has been sponsored by Hindustan Lever.
Rajesh: Tandoori Chicken?
...
Teacher: What do you feel about junk food?
Jiten: I agree. Junk food. Drink Beer.
Rajesh: Oh I feel it is good. This must be food which comes from the junkyard. And everyone knows recycling is the new mantra and is eco friendly too. So it must be good.
Vince: Junk food? Is that what a 'junkie' eats? No maam...I yam not into drugs, I say...
Natty: If you consider the pros and cons of the consumption of junk foods and what constitutes junk food and what doesn’t you come to the conclusion that you need to analyse this a little more, which is why you need to look at it holistically, both from a bird's eye view and a worm's eye view and see if organic eating habits can be inculcated (words drowned out by sound of snores)
...
Teacher: Describe an elephant
Vince: A very dangerous, animal rowdy with two chaakus on either side of mouth.
Natty: An animal that can make a trunk call without using a phone.
Jiten: Four Thick poles to stand on. Two sharp poles near mouth. One long, flexi-pole that usually dangles, but can stand up too (Am talking about the trunk u perverts).
Rajesh: Mobile carry case for elephant dung :-(
...
Teacher: What's the difference between rape and seduction?
Vince: Seduction is 'organ'ic while rape is mostly outsourced.
Jiten: The difference is salesmanship
NATTY: Seduction is like the gentle caress of a Gower cover drive, where he strokes it so beautifully, even the bowler goes weak in the knees. Rape is what Garry Sobers did to Malcolm Nash, and Ravi Shastri to Tilak Raj and Javed Miandad to Chetan Sharma....
Rajesh: Rape is 'nonconsensual while seduction is 'con'sensual (Wink, wink) :-))
...
English Teacher: complete the proverb.
"Where there's a will...
Vince: There's a willy (snigger)
Natty: There's an 'only if..' For eg., I will...only if...(that's why its called the conditional phrase)
Jiten: ..there will always be a 'won't' :-((
Rajesh...there'll be a crooked lawyer and three ex-siblings
...
Teacher: What’s the difference between an accident and a disaster?
Jiten: Just a matter of scale. First my parents said I was an accident. But now they claim I've grown up to be a full scale disaster.
Natty: If Jiten slips and falls into the drain, it'd be an accident. If someone were to rescue him it'd be a disaster.
Vince: Love is an accident. Marriage is a disaster.
Rajesh: When u bump into someone unintentionally, it’s an accident. When you bump into someone unintentionally, and the accident comes to light nine months later, it’s a disaster.
...
Teacher: Who invented the steam engine?
Vince: Watt?
Jiten: Not what dumbo...it’s who?
Natty: Uffo...its Wattt. James Watt.
Rajesh: Must be James something...even I dunno what...
Teacher: aaarrgh...I cant believe this class.
Vince (earnestly): No maam...believe us..it was Watt..it was Watt
Jiten: sheesh...wrong grammer..should be 'what was it?' Not 'it was what'
Natty: aiyaiyoo....you morons. He's saying it was James Watt. James is his first name. Watt is his surname.
Rajesh: If u dunno what’s his surname say so...don’t shout...and I already told you I dont know either.
(Teacher faints)
VINCE: Oh no...maam has passed out. someone go get smelling salts.
Jiten: But if she's fainted, how can she smell?
Natty: shaddddup...Rajesh, do u know where to get smelling salts?
Rajesh: I think so. (Runs off and returns with a mouldy package). See here. My mom bought some salt in 1998 and forgot all about it. After all these years it should be really smelling..(opens the pack)
(Vince, Jiten and Natty also faint, and Rajesh is left with a bemused expression on his face)
...
Coach: Complete the following - 'All work and no play.....'
Vince: Will get you a job in my BPO.
Natty: Will make me lose my job
Rajesh: makes Jack the CEO
Jiten: Is like all pole, no hole. No relief at all :-)
...
Teacher: Create a sentence with the word 'imagination'
Vince: Imagi'nation' is a country that exists in your mind.
Natty: Imagination is a word, not a sentence.
Jiten: Not in your wildest imagination will you get a pole this big.
Rajesh: Use your imagination to complete my sentence.
...
Teacher: What is life?
Vince: Life is what happens when your busy setting up BPOs.
Rajesh: Life is a female dog
Natty: Life...is a vacuum cleaner. It sucks.
Jiten: Life is what happens when someone forgets the condom.
...
Teacher: What is a 'beauty parlour'?
Natty: Where ugly women with dull skin go to return as ugly women with glowing skin
Jiten: A whorehouse? (Hey...like an ice cream parlour stocks ice cream.....hey hey..stop throwing chappals at me..)
Rajesh: Where women go to curl and dye.
Vince: ...where your face is their fortune!
...
Teacher: You four break up into two teams and complete the following proverbs, one after the other:
1. ' One swallow....
Vince: ...isn't enough to get drunk
Rajesh: ...doesn't make a Monica
2. ' He who finds a friend...
Natty:...must have looked very hard indeed'
Jiten:...must have looked for an 'f' word in the dictionary'
3.' A fool and his money....
Vince: ...attract women like bees to honey'
Rajesh:...are always welcome to invest in my new scheme'
4. 'A rolling stone...
Natty:...makes one fifth a music quintet'
Jiten:...doesn’t get a parking ticket'
5. 'A stitch in time...
VIince:...means you lose out on overtime wages'
Rajesh...is bad news for tailors'
6. 'After the storm, comes...
Natty:...malaria'
Jiten:...the wet saree dance :-)'
7. 'An Apple a day...
Vince: ...keeps the Himachal Pradesh economy afloat'
Rajesh:...keeps IBM away
8. 'Discretion is the better part...
Natty:...of excretion' (holding his nose as he passes a particular stretch on Dharavi)
Jiten:...of the rear seat in a drive in theatre'
9. 'Necessity is the mother...
Vince:........of outsourcing'
Rajesh:...of all of us'
10. 'Old soldiers never die...
Natty:...they simply write memoirs and get rich'
Jiten:...they 'dye' and become young soldiers again'
posted by R.Rajesh at 9:50 am
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home